Did I Really Say That? (Part 2 in a Series of 4)

By:  Donna Martin 

I take you to be my wife/husband for better or worse.  When you were standing at the altar hand in hand, gazing into each other eyes, you probably had no idea of the impact of these words.  At their wedding couples are in the “in love head over heels” simple stage of marriage.  They have gone through the courtship overlooking or not even noticing little flaws in each other.  Love has blinded them, and they are only aware of the “better” that they are vowing to love.  If they are aware of flaws in their fiancé, they often assume that things will change after they are married.

This vow would be easy to keep if the person that we married was actually as perfect as we thought they were when we made the vow.  What a shock to learn that that beautiful woman who was standing at the altar snores!!  The handsome man leaves his underwear in the middle of the bathroom floor.  The bride has to talk to her mother every day at dinner time.  The strong young man can’t even lift a finger to help because it is glued to the remote control.  The woman who used to “love sports” starts complaining every Monday night because her husband is watching football again.  The man who said he loved his wife’s family refuses to go with her to visit them.

The reality is that people are not perfect.  You are imperfect, your spouse is imperfect and you live in an imperfect world.  Too many times couples give up on each other because of these imperfections.  They run to find another spouse only to find that the next person has just as many imperfections or more than the last one.

God loves each one of us despite our imperfections.  He offers us grace and gives us chances to try again.  His example is the example couples need to follow.  Couples need to extend grace and forgiveness to each other.  Instead of taking the dirty socks on the floor as a personal insult, a wife has a choice, she can continue to pick them up, nag her husband about it every time it happens, or talk to him about it adult to adult until they can agree upon a realistic solution to the problem.

When you become overwhelmed by the worst in your spouse, remember that you are not perfect, and you are not alone.  God gives wisdom and help to those who ask Him.  Instead of concentrating on the worst in your spouse begin to concentrate on your spouse’s good qualities.  Pray for your spouse, extend forgiveness and grace to your spouse, and communicate with your spouse.  Remember, you made a vow, not a suggestion, to love for better or worse.  Building a marriage is a lot of work, but when you work together you will find that in the end it is worth the effort.

The Martins currently present “Happy Together” marriages seminars for churches and organizations.  To schedule a seminar call Michael at 940-735-1515. They also publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriage.com.