Just When I Need Him

By:  Donna Martin

At one time in my life I had a talent for singing.  However, over the last few years I have not used that talent like I once did, and so my singing voice is no longer very strong or beautiful.  That made me sad, because I had failed to use my talent, I was losing it.

I decided that I would try to improve my voice, so I told Mike that I wanted to sing something every day.  Yesterday, I sat down at our neglected piano and began playing and singing from the hymnal Mike previously used when he was a music minister.  I was so happy when Mike joined me at the piano.  We spent the next few minutes flipping through the hymnal and singing old favorite hymns.

The last song that we came upon was the old hymn, “Just When I Need Him.”  As we sang through the verses each one spoke to my heart and reminded me of the goodness, faithfulness, and compassion of Jesus. 

The words of the first verse reminded me that when I “falter or fear, Jesus is near ready to help me, ready to cheer.”  Falter means to walk unsteadily or to stumble.  As a child my mother told me to say Psalm 56:3 when I was afraid.  It says, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”  Jesus has and always will be with me even when I stumble and am afraid.

The second verse of the song states, “Giving for burdens, pleasures anew.”  I thought of the times that life looked bleak, my prayers seemed to go unheard, and I felt alone.  As I thought back over my life, I remembered many times that God had provided unexpected pleasures during times when I was burdened.  Sometimes they were small things like a beautiful crisp fall morning.  Other times they were unexpected experiences that our family would never have dreamed possible. Those times were gentle reminders that God was providing what we needed even when life seemed to be falling apart.

The next verse reminded me that “he is bearing my burdens all day long and for all my sorrow Jesus gives me a song.”  I thought of the times in my life when we were experiencing grief and loss, but even in that time, Jesus was comforting us.  Helping us through situations that I would have thought I could never have survived.  And I would not, had it not been for Jesus “bearing my burdens.”

The last verse says, “He is my all, Answering when upon Him I call, tenderly watching lest I should fall.” Isaiah 41:13 says, “For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘Do not fear; I will help you.’”  What a joy and comfort to know that Jesus is always watching and ready to help us up when we fall, just like we are there to help and encourage our own children when they fall or struggle.  Our heavenly Father is watching and helping us. 

And then the comforting chorus:

“Just when I need Him most,
Just when I need Him most
Jesus is near to comfort and cheer,
Just when I need Him most.

I pray that you can find comfort in the words of this song.  Even if your voice is cracking and weak like mine, take time to sing.  Teach hymns and praise songs to your children.  The Bible says, “God inhabits the praises of His people.”  Psalm 22:3.  Perhaps our homes, spouses, and children would be much more peaceful if we followed the instructions of Ephesians 5:19-20 “Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.  Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com

Can This Be Good?

By:  Donna Martin

We are surrounded by bad news and unsettling information about the corona virus.  Many people are out of work, schools are closed, churches have canceled meetings, we are told to stay away from people. Many people have lost money in their retirement account, and families are having a hard time making ends meet.  It is a difficult time for our country and our world.

Never in my lifetime have I seen anything like this.  Questions flood my mind. Who can we trust to give us correct information?  How long will we have to continue to live like this?  Will it all be over by summer?  What can I do to help others?  What good can come from this?

I am naturally an optimist.  I think I learned that trait from my mother and my grandmother.  Thankfully, in times like these we have do have hope.  Romans 8:28 tells us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

As we are confined to our homes, let’s look deep into our hearts and turn to God to see how He can work for good in our situation.

Here are some good things that could happen:

We will learn to slow down

We will learn that we can do without a lot of things

We will reconnect with God

We will learn to talk to our children

We will have time to call our parents

We will discover things we didn’t know about our children

We will learn to cook again and enjoy family meals

We will learn to trust God to supply us with all of our needs

We will learn to cherish each moment

We will take time to do what Psalm 46:10 tells us to do:

                 “Be still and know that I am God

                I will be exalted among the nations

                I will be exalted in the earth.”

During this time look for ways to share Christ with others.  Pass on the hope that He gives us.  Perhaps the greatest good that could come out of this is that we as a country would have a spiritual awakening and return to God.  I’m praying for this.  Would you join me?

Here’s a link to an article by the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association about Romans 8:28.

https://billygraham.org/story/do-all-things-work-together-for-good/

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com

The Analogy of a Spouse and a House

By:  Donna Martin

A few months ago we purchased a house.  We had been looking for a house for over a year.  We had a list of “must haves” and it had been difficult to find a house that had all of the things on our list.  Our lease was almost up, and we were trying to stay calm as time was running out to find the house that was the perfect one for us.

Unexpectedly, one day as we were looking, we drove by a house with a for sale sign in the yard.  We had not seen this particular house in our online search.  We called our realtor and set a time to tour the house. 

When we arrived at the house for the showing the first thing that caught my eye when we stepped into the front door were the beautiful engineered hardwood floors.  That had not been one of the “must have” items on our list, but they were an unexpected surprise.  The house had been “staged” so all the furniture, the pictures on the wall, the decorations fit together to make the house pleasing to the eye.

As we drove away, I said to Mike, “Well, I “love” the house, but I don’t really “love, love” the house.”

Now what did that really mean? Well, the “staging” had done what it was supposed to do.  It made us overlook things that were missing from the house that were on our “must have” list. It also made the house appear better than it really was.

A few weeks later, after we had won the bid on the house, we went back to begin deciding what needed to be done before we moved into the house!  The staging had all been removed and the house was bare.  What a surprise!  We began to notice all the flaws that we had missed during all our previous visits.  The staging had done its job well and had drawn our eyes away from many things that were going to have to be touched up, repaired, and replaced.  We did not realize what a “fixer upper” we had bought.

As I was working at the house one day, I thought of how my house situation reminded me of some people who are searching for a spouse.  Often people who are longing to get married start out with their list of “must haves”.  Many of these “must haves” are very good qualities, even though a few may be a little unrealistic.  As time goes by, some people begin to panic thinking they will never find someone with all those great qualities, so little by little, the “must have” list gets smaller and they “settle” for someone who might not be the best mate.  Even though deep inside they know they are making a wrong choice, these people just want to be married.  They overlook the little flaws and the irritating habits of a potential spouse.  They convince themselves that this person is the best person for them. They believe that they can change the person into the person of their dreams.  Little do they realize that trying to change a spouse into someone they are not will only lead to years of heartache and conflict.

Another scenario of singles searching for love is that they often look only at the physical qualities of a person.  Just like the “staging” of our house covered a lot of flaws, these people are attracted to good looks or fit bodies and overlook all other habits, flaws and personality traits that would be warning signs that this is not the right person to marry.

As you are searching for a spouse you should know that “fixer uppers” should only apply to your house not your spouse.  Only God can change a person.  So if something about the person you are dating annoys you remember, if you marry that person you will continue to be annoyed for the rest of your life.

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com

Mission Donation Book Sale

Some are called to go, others are called to give. 

 You may not be able to travel the world to spread the love of Jesus,

but you can help spread the love by giving to others who are called to go.

During the month July, all profits from the sale of our books,

366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14610 Days of Marriage and

Dancing With Death (See book synopsis below)

will be donated to mission support

Caleb Martin on his mission trip to the Congo.

You can help support this mission trip by ordering copies of our books.

To order your books: 

Click Here

If you already have a copy of our books, buy one for a friend.  They make great wedding, graduation, birthday, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day and Christmas gifts, or just an “I’m thinking of you” gift.

Please invite your friends to join our book sale Mission Event. 

Caleb Martin

Our son, Caleb, will be traveling to the Congo and Uganda in Africa.  He will be working with an organization called Eden Mission (https://edenmission.net/what-we-do).

In Goma, Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) and Kisoro, Uganda, he will be assisting in family and parenting seminars for pastors and will work in the community on construction type projects. He will also be visiting a Bible translation project in Congo.

Book Synopsis

366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage

This book is a collection of 366 serious and humorous tidbits about relationships that the Martin's have learned in 14610 days of marriage. The information is intended to help couples build stronger marriages.  The book is a “must read” for couples of all ages married or soon to be married. As former educators, they believe that this book should be “assigned reading” for all couples.

Dancing With Death

In a small North Texas town a family is devastated when their fifteen-year-old son is diagnosed with a life-threatening heart disease.  In the lowest time of their lives, God works through people such as Michael Jordan, Derek Harper, Coach Grant Teaff, Dino, Joe Montana, J. D. Hill, and the family’s local community to give strength and support to the Martin family. Dancing with Death illustrates the power of faith, hope, love, Christian friends, and family.

If you do not want to purchase a book, you can make a Donation to the Mission Trip by clicking below:

Tips for Mother's Day

By: Donna Martin

Here’s an IMPORTANT NOTICE!!!!  If your mother or wife says, “Oh, don’t worry about getting me anything for Mother’s Day,” that does NOT mean “Do not get me anything for Mother’s Day.”  So why in the world would she tell you not to get her anything?  Crazy isn’t it!  Mother’s have the gift of nurturing, and they love taking care of their families.  Often they sacrifice their wants and needs for the wants and needs of their families.  They do not mind doing this as all because a mother’s love is so deep and unconditional.  If your mother or wife tells you not do get her anything, she is thinking of you.  She does not want to be any trouble to anyone.  She knows you are busy, and she does not want to interfere or make life hard for you because her goal in life has always been to make life better and comfortable for you.  But Mothers need love too!

Most mothers are easy to please, so you do not have to buy something expensive and perhaps you do not have to buy anything at all.  The gift of your time could be enough especially if your mother’s love language is quality time.   If it is just asking if you can come to her house for lunch or dinner would be a wonderful way to say, “I love you!”  (Just be sure to tell her you are going to clean up the dishes or even help her prepare the meal.)

ANOTHER VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE – especially if you are a Millennia!!! Texting your mother on Mother’s Day is NOT ENOUGH.  Your mother was the first person to hear your voice and she has loved hearing you talk and having conversations with you since the day you were born.  She may love receiving texts from you (l love receiving them from my children and grandchildren), but on Mother’s Day she wants to hear your voice.  If your mother has a very active life, you may have to call several times before you connect with her, but keep calling until she say’s “Hello.”  She longs for conversations with you.

For mothers who have lost their mother, Mother’s Day can be very difficult.  If your wife or mother is one of the many “motherless daughters” you may need to comfort her and be sensitive to the loss she feels on this day, especially if this is her first Mother’s Day without her mother.  Don’t just ignore the day; she knows it is Mother’s Day.  Find a way to love and honor her even as she may be dealing with all kinds of emotions.  Comfort her and cherish her.  Let her know how much you care and how thankful you are for her.

If your wife or daughter has lost a child, or if she has been unable to get pregnant, this is an extremely hard day for her also.  Once again, be sensitive and comforting.  Allow her to express her sadness, anger, or frustration.

You only have one mother, so do something to make her feel special, loved, and appreciated.

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com

That Old Chair

That Old Chair

By:  Donna Martin

 “Mom, why don’t you get rid of that old rocking chair?” my oldest son suggested one day.

He had no idea of how much I treasure that old chair.  Yes, it is fragile, scratched, and probably outdated, but it is one of my treasured items.  Mike presented me with that chair on our very first wedding anniversary.  He bought it brand new from an “unfinished” furniture store and spent days meticulously applying stain and varnish to the chair.  When we moved into our first house the chair was gently place in the nursery.  We both spent many hours rocking all three of our babies and later our grandbabies in that chair.  That old chair will be somewhere in our house until I die.  I can’t part with it even if it is old, scratched, and very outdated.

That rocking chair is like a good marriage.  It has withstood the test of time.  It has provided comfort in times of sickness, sleeplessness, and stress.  It has become more valuable due to its nicks and scars. And the memories of special moments experienced in that chair have strengthened my bond with it.

The sweetness of marriage cannot be experienced if you exchange your spouse for a newer model. Don’t abandon your spouse like you would abandon an old piece of furniture, instead cherish and respect your spouse.  Hold on and press through conflicts and differences and use them to grow closer instead of apart. As the old song say, “Hold on to what you’ve got, and don’t let go ‘cause you’ve got a lot.  Got a lot of love between you so, hang on, hang on, hang on, to what you’ve got.

Like my old rocking chair, the sweetness of marriage develops through time, through trials, through making memories together.  It grows sweeter as the wrinkles grow deeper and as you treasure each of the fleeting moments that God allows you to spend together.

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com

Visit our Mission Donation Page to participate in our Book Sale for Missions.  All proceeds from book sales between now and July will be donated to mission trips to Africa, Belize, and inner city Houston.

Click here for more information

A Gentle Character

By:  Donna Martin

When you think of gentleness perhaps you think of a mother’s touch with her newborn baby, or the cuddly embrace of a child, or the soft voice of your grandmother, or a tender kiss.

Gentleness is one of the fruits of the spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:23-24.   Gentleness should not be equated with weakness.  Gentleness does not mean that someone is a pushover or is weak. Some of the strongest men I know are “gentle” men.

Gentleness is such an important quality to find in a marriage.  Ephesians 4:2-3 tells us to “Be completely humble and gentle: be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”  Even though Paul was talking about the church in this passage, we can apply this principal to our relationships within our family.  Gentleness in marriage can help strengthen our marriage bond, build trust, and cultivate our love for our spouse.  We all have a tendency to fly off the handle at times and to react to our spouse in ways we would never react to our co-workers.  It takes strength in tense situations to remain gentle.  But gentleness can turn a tense situation around.  Proverbs 15:1 tells us “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  How many times have we regretted the harsh words that come out of our mouth the instant after we have said them? 

Gentleness is a characteristic that I admire in my husband, Mike.  There have been so many times that I have observed his gentle character when dealing with clients.  Our clients may have approached us with anger and frustration, but Mike has remained calm, listened to their concerns, empathized with their feelings until, at the end of our meeting, the client is calm and ready to approach the business at hand with trust and understanding.  All it took was a little gentleness.  Just as in business, this calm approach helps alleviate tensions in our family.  Many times all our spouse or children need is a listening ear and empathy, and this is when “a gentle answer” is all it takes to calm a tense situation.

Colossians 3:18 gives us “Rules for a Christian Household.”  “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them.  Children obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.  Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”  In each of these situations gentleness is a key element.

Do you have enough strength to be gentle?

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com

A Gentle Character

By:  Donna Martin

When you think of gentleness perhaps you think of a mother’s touch with her newborn baby, or the cuddly embrace of a child, or the soft voice of your grandmother, or a tender kiss.

Gentleness is one of the fruits of the spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:23-24.   Gentleness should not be equated with weakness.  Gentleness does not mean that someone is a pushover or is weak.  Some of the strongest men I know are “gentle” men.

Gentleness is such an important quality to find in a marriage.  Ephesians 4:2-3 tells us to “Be completely humble and gentle: be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”  Even though Paul was talking about the church in this passage, we can apply this principal to our relationships within our family.  Gentleness in marriage can help strengthen our marriage bond, build trust, and cultivate our love for our spouse.  We all have a tendency to fly off the handle at times and to react to our spouse in ways we would never react to our co-workers.  It takes strength in tense situations to remain gentle.  But gentleness can turn a tense situation around.  Proverbs 15:1 tells us “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  How many times have we regretted the harsh words that come out of our mouth the instant after we have said them? 

Gentleness is a characteristic that I admire in my husband, Mike.  There have been so many times that I have observed his gentle character when dealing with clients.  Our clients may have approached us with anger and frustration, but Mike has remained calm, listened to their concerns, empathized with their feelings until, at the end of our meeting, the client is calm and ready to approach the business at hand with trust and understanding.  All it took was a little gentleness.  Just as in business, this calm approach helps alleviate tensions in our family.  Many times all our spouse or children need is a listening ear and empathy and this is when “a gentle answer” is all it takes to calm a tense situation.

Colossians 3:18 gives us “Rules for a Christian Household.”  “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them.  Children obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.  Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”  In each of these situations gentleness is a key element.

Do you have enough strength to be gentle?

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com

The Answer to Brokenness

By:  Donna Martin

The tragedy of the recent school shooting has caused much debate about what can be done to end violence in our schools and on our streets.  There has been a lot of talk about changing gun rules and adding more security to schools.  But sadly little has been said about the root cause of the problem.  And that is that the world is broken.  Most of the people who have been responsible for the killings have been broken people without hope, broken people with few friends, and broken people from broken families.  

God has a perfect design for the world, but that design is broken because of sin.  Sin causes marriages to fail, sin causes people to be bullied, and sin gives people a feeling of hopelessness.  The answer to gun violence is so obvious, but broken people are blinded to see the answer.

The answer is in the Good News that Jesus was born into this broken world.  He was God’s Son in human form.  He lived a sinless life.  He gave his life willingly as a sacrifice for our sin that is causing our brokenness.  He died a horrible death.  But the Good News is that He rose from the grave and overcame death.  If we repent from our sins and believe in Jesus our relationship with God is restored and then we can recover from our brokenness and pursue His purpose and His will for our lives.

Is your marriage broken?  Is the relationship with your children broken?  Are your children lost and hopeless?  The answer is to turn to Jesus.  When our relationship with Jesus is right, then we are better equipped to get our relation with others right also.

What our country needs is for those of us who have experienced this new life in Christ to share this Good News with those around us.  Jesus said to “Go and make disciples.”  There is a simple way to share this Good News.  It is called “The Three Circles.”  You can download the app “Life on Mission” on your phone.  This app can be used to present the Gospel using the “Three Circles” method.  You can draw the
“Three Circles”  on a napkin or sheet of paper and simply explain the Good News of Jesus. (For more information go to the following website: https://www.namb.net/video/3-circles-life-conversation-guide) Teach this to your children so that they can also know Jesus and share the “Three Circles” with their friends.

We don’t really need more laws we need Jesus.

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com.

Do You Have a Tendency to Delete?

By Donna Martin

Have you ever asked your husband to delete a photo that he shared of you on Facebook or Instagram?  Perhaps it showed some of your flaws or perhaps you thought it was unbecoming.  Please click below on "The Woman My Husband Sees Everyday" written by Jennifer Smith the author of The Unveiled Wife to read what she learned from a picture that her husband posted of her.

The Woman My Husband Sees Everyday

Click below to order your copy of The Unveiled Wife.  It is a great story.

Respect and the Dripping Faucet (3rd in a series of 3 Respect Articles)

By Donna Martin

It has been a long day.  You have worked so hard and you are tired.  Finally it is time to crawl into bed.  You punch your pillow until it is just the way you want it, wiggle around in the bed until it feels comfortable and then relax as you snuggle under the covers.  Welcome sleep will soon engulf your body. Everything is quiet.  But wait.  What is that noise?   Drip, drip, drip, drip.  Someone did not completely turn off the faucet.  You lie there not wanting to get up, but you know that this tiny noise is going to keep you up all night.  So you get up, go to the bathroom and turn the knob as hard as you can and stop the tiny flow of water.  You return to bed go through the same routine, but as you lay your head on the pillow you hear it again.  Drip, drip, drip, drip.  You bury your head under the pillow, but the dripping can still be heard.  You pull the covers up over your head.  But the dripping can still be heard.  There is no one else home.  Your husband is on a business trip.  It is up to you to stop the dripping, so you go to the garage, look through the tool box and find the wrench.  You march back to the bathroom armed for battle.  With all your might you turn the knob; the dripping stops.  You are so proud of yourself for figuring out how to stop the dripping.  Back to bed, same routine, head on the pillow, long needed rest…….drip, drip, drip, drip.  Every muscle in your body tenses up.  This cannot be happening.  How can you make it stop?????

You take the wrench and begin to pound the knob, but still the dripping continues.  You pound again and suddenly the knob flies off.  But the dripping continues.  What a mess.  Now there is no way to turn it off.  You shut the bathroom door.  You go back to bed, but you cannot relax.  Every muscle is tensed.  Even with the door closed and the pillow over your head the irritating noise is still there….drip, drip, drip, drip.

You know sleep will not come, so you go back to the bathroom and see if you can find the place to turn off the water, but it is stuck and the dripping continues.

So you go to the couch to try to escape from the noise.  But now you are wide awake. You reach for your Bible.  Maybe if you read a few verses, you will fall asleep.  You randomly open the Bible to Proverbs, close your eyes and move your finger down the page.   When your finger stops you open your eyes and read Proverbs 27: 15-16 “A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet; you can't turn it off, and you can't get away from it. (MSG)

You think of the way you greeted your husband when he came home from work yesterday. Instead of welcoming him home with a warm hug and kiss, you began to bark orders, “It’s about time you got home, I am so tired of putting up with these arguing kids.  I hope you are planning on mowing the yard today.  It looks like a jungle.” Drip, drip, drip, drip.

When he sat down to watch the ballgame on Sunday you said, “All you ever do is watch football, I can think of a lot better ways to spend your time.”   Drip, drip, drip, drip.

You think of your husband and the words that you said before he left.  Instead of saying, “I’ll miss you. I can’t wait until you get back.”  You sent him off with these words, “Do you realize that you left your dirty clothes lying on the bed?  I guess you think I don’t have anything else to do but pick up after you.  When do I get to have a vacation?”  Drip, drip, drip, drip…..

As you place the Bible back on the table and stretch out on the couch you pray, “Lord, I may not be able to fix the dripping faucet in the bathroom, but thank you for showing me the leaky faucet that I can fix.”

(article #3 in a series about Respect)

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com.

Read more about the importance of respect and love in marriage. This book is good for both husbands and wives.  Click below to order your copy today.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

By Donna Martin

Respect – when you hear that word you may think of Aretha Franklin belting out “R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to me.”

Actually the song “Respect” was written by Otis Redding and was written from a man’s point of view.  The message of the song says, honey, you’ve got everything you need and I am about to give you all my money, but all I want is for you to give me some respect when I come home.  The song ends with these lyrics, “Respect is what I want, Respect is what I need, Got to have it!  Give it to me!”

This is the cry of every man – “Respect is what I want, respect is what I need.” In Ephesians 5:33 the apostle Paul says that “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  Did you ever wonder why Paul did not just say husbands and wives need to love each other?  The reason is that women are made with the ability to naturally love and nurture another person, however, men are made with the ability to give respect to another person.  So women need love, but to men love means respect. 

As a wife you may love your husband dearly, but does he know that you respect him? 

Many times women do not realize that they are showing disrespect to their husbands.  We have gone out for dinner with couples when one wife begins to complain in front of everyone about her husband.  She says something like, “I thought we were going to have five wrecks before we got here tonight.  Craig is a terrible diver.”  The other wife replies, “ I know what you mean.  I am going to have to be the one who teaches our kids how to drive.  Justin scares me to death.  No one ever wants to ride with us.”  And then another wife joins in complaining about one of her husband’s faults.  It almost becomes a contest to see who has the worst husband. Sometimes the men may try to defend themselves or they may go along with it just to save face.   These remarks may seem insignificant and funny at the time, but over time careless, disrespectful words tear down a man’s self esteem and cause tension in a marriage.

I’ll have to admit that one day several years ago, I fell right into the trap of this complain game.  We had gone to breakfast with a couple and the wife shared a complaint about her husband while we were all eating.  I went right along with her saying, “I know what you mean.”  Then I shared something that had irritated me about Mike.  Mike did not say anything at that time, he just laughed and went along with it like everyone else.  However, after breakfast I knew something was wrong, but I could not figure out what had happened to upset him. I thought maybe he didn’t feel well or that something had happened at work to upset him.  I was totally unaware of the fact that I was the one who had upset him.  Luckily, later on during the day, Mike told me that what I had said about him at breakfast really was disrespectful.  My unthoughtful words had cut deep into his soul and made him feel disrespected.

Thankfully, Mike shared his feelings with me and I learned that these kinds of remarks would not help us build a happy together marriage. However,  many men never tell their wives that their harsh words or their cutting jokes make them feel disrespected.  They just keep it to themselves and continue to take the disrespect day after day.  But eventually when the husband has had enough of his wife’s disrespect it can lead to undesirable behavior.  If his wife does not show her husband respect, he may just give up and be unresponsive to his wife’s need for love.  Or even worse he may turn to another woman who does show him respect.  His wife may be completely unaware that her lack of respect was what drove him away.

Giving your husband respect is like giving him air to breath.  There is a saying “Behind every successful man there is a woman.”  This statement should read, “Behind every successful man is a woman who shows him respect.”  

Think about your words and your nonverbal responses that you give your husband.  Are you playing the complain game with your friends.  Do you start complaining to him the minute he comes home?  Are you always barking out orders and criticizing him? Are you rolling your eyes and making snide remarks?  This kind of behavior causes your husband to wither on the inside.

On the other hand are you letting your husband know that you are proud of him, that you are thankful for all the hard work he does to support your family and that you could not get along without him?  Have you told him that you are so thankful that you are his wife and that you love being seen with him?  If so, then you are obeying God by giving your husband the respect he needs and breathing life into his soul.

Are you giving your husband respect when you are out in public and when he comes home?  Remember  as the song says, respect is what men want, respect is what men need.

(article #2 in a series on Respect)

To learn more about the importance of Love and Respect in a marriage click on the book below to order Love and Respect.

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com.

Respect and Sports

By:  Donna Martin

Sporting events on television is year round and that gives wives a great opportunity to show a little respect!  The World Series is beginning soon, so here are some ideas to help you be respectful and have fun at the same time.

You may be wondering how sports on TV relates to respect.  Well, it is really quite simple.  Have you ever complained to your husband about all the time he spends watching sports?  When he starts watching baseball, football or basketball do you roll your eyes and start vacuuming in the room where he is watching television?  Have you ever been guilty of scheduling a couple's night out with friends at the exact same time that the ballgame comes on that you know he wanted to watch?  When the game starts do you feel that it is time for your husband to start playing with the kids more so you start to lecture him about it? Do you suddenly feel the urge to have a romantic night of watching a “chick flick” on the same night of the big game?  Did you know that your husband might consider all of these actions to be disrespectful?

How about surprising your husband and using the big game as an opportunity to make him feel respected and important to you.  Remember, to men respect equals love.  Here are some suggestions for making this a series of respect:

1. Find out what time the games begin. 
2. Give yourself plenty of time to get ready as if you were going on a date.  Take a shower. Slip into something sporty, fix your hair, put on cologne (if your husband likes cologne).
3. If it is a night game, make sure the kids are bathed and ready for bed before the game starts so you don’t have to miss any of the game to get them ready for bed.
4. Prepare some game day food.  If your husband likes hotdogs that would be fun for a baseball game.  You don’t have to go to a lot of trouble.  If the game time is later than dinner time just have some snacks – maybe popcorn and Cracker Jacks!  Just be sure it is something your husband will enjoy.  There will be several games so make something different for each game.  Variety keeps things interesting.
5. When it’s time for the game sit on the couch and be part of the crowd.  Cheer and boo and have fun.  Don’t criticize your husband for his enthusiasm – just join in.  If you don’t understand the game be sure and wait to ask questions during the commercials. 
6. This can be a family night with the kids or a date night if your kids are young and need to go to bed.  If your kids have to go to bed before the game is over, offer to tuck them in so your husband won’t miss any of the game, or suggest that he record it so that you can watch the rest after the kids have been put to bed.
7. Remember that these games are important to your husband, and there may be several through the years, so get ready to have some fun.

If your husband is not accustomed to having you watch the game with him he will be pleasantly surprised and will feel respected because you have taken an interest in something that interests him. He will also be relieved that you are not trying to belittle him or make him feel guilty for doing something he really enjoys.

Ephesians 5:33 says, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”  You will be surprised how your husband will begin to show you love when you show him respect.

P.S.   

If your husband has already planned to watch a game or two with his friends then you can show him respect by encouraging him to have fun with his friends and not complaining about it.

 (This is article #1 in a series of articles about respect.)

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com.

 Click on the picture below to order Love and Respect and learn more about men's need for respect and women's need for love.

Knowbodies Purrfickt

By:  Donna Martin

Have you ever heard someone say, “I love him, but I really don’t like him”?  Perhaps you have felt this way about someone.  Was it your spouse?

Funny how love works.  When couples are first married they look ahead to a perfect life together.  They have visions of ultimate bliss.  They picture themselves facing the world together with never a care – always side by side – always in agreement.  They picture a fairy tale life in the future – a life that is easy and full of love and happiness.  They picture a perfect marriage.

However, because people are not perfect having a perfect marriage is pretty impossible.  At some time along the way spouses are going to disagree with each other, disappoint each other, and fall short of their expectations.   Conflict is inevitable in a relationship as close as marriage.

Conflict is not bad; in fact, conflict can make a relationship stronger.  The trouble comes when conflict is not resolved.  Too often couples try to avoid conflict, have different opinions about how to resolve conflict, or do not take the time to really listen and communicate with each other.  Each person wants to selfishly win the conflict instead of taking the time to work it out.  In a marriage conflict there should be no winners or losers.  Couples need to remember that they are on the same team.  If one person loses, so does the other person. 

Solving a conflict may not happen on the day it begins.  Ephesians 4:26 tells us, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” That is great advice, and if you can resolve a conflict on the day it begins that is great.  Sometimes, however, when tempers are high and hurts are deep, it is better for couples to take a time out and let their emotions calm down.  After both individuals have calmed down then they can set a time to come together to discuss the issue that started the conflict.

When couples approach conflict as a relation builder instead of a relation destroyer their relationship can grow and each spouse can become a more mature person.  Taking time to really listen and looking at something from another person’s perspective are the first steps to resolving conflicts. 

It is important to attack the conflict and not the person.  Really listen to the other person’s feeling and opinions.  Try to see things from the other person’s point of view.  Apologize for the part you played in the problem.  Together, make a list of ways that the issue can be resolved and decide on the best plan of action.

There may be days when you really don’t like the person you married.  Just as God gives us grace and forgiveness each day, we need to offer the same grace and forgiveness to our spouse.  Don’t walk out when life gets tough.  Roll up your sleeves and work together to work through your conflicts.  You will be glad you did, and so will your children.

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com.

A great book to help you understand your spouse and yourself.  Click below to order a copy.

Too Many Mugs

By:  Donna Martin

One of the first purchases that Mike and I made as a married couple was a pair of mugs.  We found them on our honey moon.  They were solid white with a big red heart stamped on each one along with the words written in blue, “Virginia is for Lovers.”  You may be thinking Cheesy!  But, hey, we were on our honeymoon, and we were so in love!!!

Our love for traveling began that summer and so did our tradition of purchasing a mug at every place we visited.  Sounded like a great idea at the time, but 40 years later when we decided to downsize and move to an apartment there was no place to display the 100 plus mugs that we had collected throughout our journeys.  Of course, none of our children wanted them, but the sentiment behind them was too great; we couldn’t part with them.  So now they are sitting in boxes in our garage collecting dust. 

Things are like that. Things pile up. Things take up closet space.  Things collect dust.  Things wear out and go out of style.  Things get broken.  Things get stolen.  Things get lost.  So why do we spend so much time and money worrying about and collecting things?

The scenes racing across the screens of our televisions showing the destruction of hurricane Harvey over the past few weeks have shown us how quickly our things can vanish.  When the storm raged all around and the waters poured in to devour everything, what mattered most were the people, the relationships, the ones we loved.  It didn’t matter if houses and everything in them were swept away as long as loved ones were safe.

We spend a lot of time and energy trying to make more money so we can buy more things - things that can be lost in a moment.  We really didn’t need all those mugs.  Our memories of happy times together would have been enough.  Perhaps we should spend more time and energy making memories with the ones we love.  Like our things, our loved ones can be lost in a moment too, but the memories we make together will last a lifetime.  If someone you love is near, take a few minutes and go give that loved one a hug.  Tell them how much you love them not just today, but every day.

Matthew 6:19-20

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com.

Thanks a Lot, Adam and Eve

By:  Donna Martin

One day as I was walking, I was enjoying the beauty of God’s creation.  The wildflowers were especially beautiful, the birds were singing joyfully, and the locusts were buzzing lazily in the summer sunshine.  As I was soaking in the beauty of the summer day I began thinking about Adam and Eve and how beautiful the Garden of Eden must have been.  And honestly, I became a little aggravated with Adam and Eve.

God had given Adam and Eve everything they needed.  They were living in the perfect, beautiful, peaceful world.  All they needed for life was provided by God.  God placed them a garden complete with a beautiful river that watered the garden and trees that were loaded with good food to eat.  They did not have to worry about going to the grocery store, what to wear, alarm clocks, laundry, dusting, to-do lists, car repairs, carpets, granite countertops, cell phones, deadlines, electric bills, home loans, job promotions……  They only had one restriction.  They could not eat from one of the trees, only one.  They could eat from every beautiful tree in the perfect garden except one.  How hard could it have been to follow that one rule?

I guess I cannot really be that hard on Adam and Eve.  We can blame Adam and Eve for our downfall, but aren’t we just as guilty?   What if the only rule that God had given man was do not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor?  How long would it have taken us to break that command? At one time or another in our lives, we have all tried to get something we were told we could not have whether it has been a cookie from the cookie jar or someone else’s wife or husband; we have all walked down the same path as Adam and Eve.  Instead of trusting God, we try to be God.

It is sad to admit, but if any one of us had been in that garden, based on how we live today, we would have probably made the same mistake.  God’s rules are not meant to restrict us or make our lives miserable.  Interestingly, obeying God makes our lives have purpose, hope, and meaning. How different would our marriages, our families, our city, our county be if every day we all took time to be still and spend a few minutes with God, if we prayed continually, if we trusted instead of worried, if we put God first place in our lives?

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com.

Dreary Days

By:  Donna Martin

I woke up and looked out the window only to discover it was another cloudy day.  It had been one of those weeks when the sun had not appeared.  Each day the sky had been dreary and cloudy.   Once in while a few sprinkles would fall, but most of the time the clouds just hung there doing nothing but hiding the sun and filling each day with gloominess.  I wished it would storm, rain, and clear up.  I was tired of the heaviness in the atmosphere.

Have you ever experienced a gloomy week in your relationship with your spouse?  Something was said or done that brought in the clouds.  The air was filled with tension and it felt like a storm of conflict could break out at any minute.  Each of you felt heaviness in your heart, but you both wished it would just go away.  You did not want to experience a storm of harsh words, or face up to your own shortcomings; much less apologize because, of course, it was not your fault.  You just hoped that if you ignored the clouds they would go away and everything would be back to normal.  You longed for the reassurance of kind words and pleasant communication mixed with lots of hugs and laughter.

Conflicts are an inevitable part of marriage.  Even though they make us uncomfortable, mess up a few hours or days of our lives, and expose our faults, they can also be good for our relationships.  They can actually be beneficial.

Just imagine what would happen to your garden if there was never rain.  The plants would not grow and produce fruit or flowers.  Just like rain, conflicts are a natural part of any relationship.  If handled correctly they can actually cause our relationships to grow stronger, they can help us see things from our spouse's perspective, they can teach us new ways of doing things, and they can help us become more mature.

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

By:  Donna Martin

On June 2 we celebrated our 45^th wedding anniversary.  That sounds like a long time, but really it has been like a fleeting moment.  When we began our marriage we were young, and in love, and excited about the adventure before us. We were also clueless about what married life had to offer.  One advantage that we had was that our family backgrounds were similar.  We both grew up in Christian homes with both parents present and engaged in our lives.  We were both from similar financial backgrounds.  We shared the same values.  Because of this we had similar perspectives on marriage.  However, on June 2, 1972, we could have never envisioned all of the adventures, joys, sorrows, disappointments, surprises, setbacks, conflicts, celebrations, accomplishments, illnesses, laughter, tears and unexpected events that were before us. 

A lot has changed in our lives over the past 45 years, but one thing has never changed - an enduring love for each other and a commitment to stand together no matter what.  And that, my friends, is the secret to our 45 years together.  It hasn’t always been easy, it hasn’t always been happy.  We have disappointed each other, and there have been a few times when we didn’t really like each other very much.  But from the beginning, we were committed to each other and to our marriage.  We wanted our marriage to be successful not only because of our love for each other, but also because of our love for God.  God’s love has been the cornerstone of our marriage.

From the perspective of a young man who was 23 and a young woman who was 21, forty-five years seemed like a long time.  From the perspective of a mature 66 and 68 year old, forty-five years is like the blink of an eye.  Life happens quickly, so don’t waste your marriage arguing over things that are insignificant or chasing fantasies that don’t exist.  Live each day to its fullest.  Try to live each day without regrets.  Live unselfishly.  Speak words of encouragement instead of criticism.  Love the way that your spouse needs you to love.  Look for the good in your spouse.  Be thankful for each other.  Be faithful to each other.  End each day by praying together for each other.

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com.

It’s All About Your Perspective

By:  Donna Martin

Mike and I go jogging/walking in the preserve next to our apartment almost every other day.  He jogs; I walk/jog (mostly walk).  When we begin our jog he goes in one direction and I go in the other.  We pass each other about halfway and then meet again at our designated “finish line”.  A couple of weeks ago I was feeling really energetic so when we met in the middle I decided to jog with Mike.  This meant that I turned around and went in the opposite direction jogging uphill on the hill that I had just walked down.  I did not think about this uphill jog when I made that energetic decision.  When I caught up to Mike at the end, we decided to go ahead and walk up the detour that I usually take.  I always enjoy this part of my walk as it is less crowded and the trees reach over the path to make an archway above me.  As we walked together I noticed that the trail looked different.  The trail had not changed, but my perspective had.

As often happens on my walks a thought came to my mind about marriage.  It was interesting to me that I had never noticed what a difference a perspective can make.  The trail was still the same.  The only thing that had changed was my direction – my perspective.

I thought about how perspectives can affect a marriage relationship and relationships with children.  Most of the time this occurs when a conflict arises or when a spouse or child does not act the way we think they should act.   For now we will stick to the husband/wife relationship.  I think we can all agree that men and women are different and these differences can affect our perspectives.  Science and research has proven that men and women’s brains are very different.  Women use both sides of their brains and can transfer information between the right and left side of the brain more quickly than men.  Men’s brains tend to perform more on the left-side which is the more logical side.  Therefore, women tend to be more affected by their emotions when problem solving, however, men solve problems more logically.  Not only are perspectives influenced by physical differences, but they are also influenced by our backgrounds and upbringing.  Because husbands and wives often have different perspectives this can cause conflicts both large and small.

For example one day when Mike was trying to make a decision about an important financial matter, he asked my opinion.  We talked about it for a few minutes and then I said, “I’m sure whatever you decide will be fine.”  From my perspective, what I said was meant to make him feel better.  I trusted him and knew that the choices he had made in the past were wise.  I had faith that he would make the right decision on this matter.  I was surprised when he said, “You don’t have to be so flippant about it.”  From his perspective, this was a major decision that we needed to have more of a discussion about it in order to make a proper decision. He needed me to help him with the decision by really thinking about it and understanding all of the ramifications of the decision.  My answer made him think that I did not really care about the decision and did not want to be bothered with it.  We had to talk this out so that we could understand each other’s perspective and resolve a minor conflict.

Our differences in perspective can affect all areas of our life - our sexual relationship, our childrearing, our relationship with our in-laws, our financial situations, even where we will go for dinner.  Whenever, a conflict arises we often forget to think about the other person’s perspective.  We become selfish, we think what we want matters more than what our spouse wants; we think our spouse is trying to do something to make us mad.  All kinds of thoughts pop into our minds.  When this happens we need to stop and count to ten.  Then think about how our perspective in the situation is different from our spouse’s perspective.  We need to ask our self, “Why did he say that?” or “What is she thinking?” or “How would I act in this situation?”  If we don’t know the answers to these questions, we need to ask our spouse, “Why would you say that?” or “Help me understand what you are thinking?” or “How do you think I would act in this situation?”  We could even say, “Help me to see your perspective on this.”  Sometimes, seeing things from our spouse’s perspective can help us resolve and even in some cases avoid conflicts.  It can also help us better understand our spouse.  Talking about our different perspectives may be hard, but it is necessary to help us grow and become better spouses.

Changing my perspective on my walk helped strengthen me because I had to jog uphill.  It also made me aware of the beauty that I had missed when I always went in the same direction.  Trying to understand a spouse’s perspective and discussing those differences in perspectives can actually help you to become stronger as a couple and can help you appreciate and love the differences between you.  Instead of trying to change your spouse try looking at things from your spouse’s perspective.

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com.

Fixing Financial Friction

By:  Donna Martin

Finances are one of the major conflicts in a marriage.  And it is no wonder; because how you manage your money is greatly affected by how you were raised and your expectations that have developed about money over the years.

For example:

1. A spender marries a saver
2. One spouse is from a wealthy background the other from a background of simple means
3. One spouse was raised in a home where both spouses’ worked outside the home – the other was raised in a home where one spouse stayed home with the children while the other spouse worked
4. One spouse was raised in a home where the father managed the money – the other was raised in a home where the mother managed the money
5. One spouse grew up with an allowance – the other spouse grew up with a credit card
6. One spouse grew up in a home that tithed – the other spouse grew up in a home where tithing was not practiced

No matter how you were raised or what your expectations are, it is important that you discuss your plan for managing your money.  Working together on a budget is of utmost importance.

Philippians 4:11-13 is a very important attitude to have in a marriage.  It says:

“…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Being content can help couples have a happy marriage.  A wife who is content fulfills her husband’s need to provide for her.  A husband who provides for his wife helps her feel loved cherished.

Being rich is not the answer to being happy.  Being happy comes from being content and loving each other unconditionally.  It is better to wear the same outfit every day, drive an economical car, and live in a small house that is filled with love than to have all that money can buy, drive a new expensive car, and live in a mansion that is filled with tension, strife and discontentment.

Be good stewards of everything that God gives you.

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at www.happytogethermarriages.com.