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The Best Valentine Gift

By:  Donna Martin

Have you thought about what you are going to give your spouse for Valentine’s?  Did you know that even the most expensive gift will not mean much to your spouse unless you have given them the gift that they desire and need the most?

For women that gift is love.  Women need to be loved and cherished.   But, guys, it has to be more than just telling your wife you love her or having sex with her.  Love means to provide for her and to protect her.  When you love someone, you want to provide for their needs and you want to protect them at all costs.  Mike and I were meeting with a group of young couples at a premarital class.  We were surprised when talking to the young prospective brides that many of them were concerned that their future husband might not take care of them and protect and provide for them.  The biggest reason for concern was that in the past the men had failed to do things that they had promised to do, and had in different ways not been trustworthy.

People protect what they love and so a man needs to protect his wife and provide for her needs.  A husband needs to provide for this wife physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  A woman needs to know that her husband can be trusted and that she can depend on him to do what he says he will do.

For men the most important gift is respect.  Respect is a need that is built into every man.  Respect is as important to a man as love is to a woman.  Women can be very disrespectful with their words and actions.  Sometimes a woman doesn’t even realize that she is being disrespectful to her husband.  A woman needs to be respectful with the tone of voice she uses with her husband.  She needs to build him up instead of criticizing him in front of others.  She needs to be appreciative of the things he does to provide for the family.  A wife needs to be respectful when it comes to intimacy by welcoming her husband’s advances, and she also needs to be the one to initiate intimate moments from time to time so that her husband knows that she desires him as much as he desires her.

Talk to your spouse and ask them how you are doing when it comes to love and respect.   Men, ask your wife what you could do to make her feel more loved.  Women, ask your husband what you could do to make him feel more respected.  If you do not feel loved or if your spouse does something that you view as disrespectful then you must talk to your spouse about it.   Your spouse will never know how you feel if you do not communicate your needs.  We believe many divorces could be avoided if husbands and wives communicated their needs to each other.

So go ahead and buy that perfect Valentine, but before you do, plan a date to talk to your spouse and to find out how you are doing and how you can improve in the areas of love and respect.

Some Bible verses to think about along the lines of love and respect:

Proverbs 30:21-23 "Under three things the earth trembles, under four it cannot bear up: a servant who becomes king, a fool who is full of food, an unloved woman who is married, and a maidservant who displacers her mistress."

Ephesians 5:32 "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Proverbs 27: 15 "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day."

The Martins are available to present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at

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