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Be Sure to Look in the Mirror!

By: Donna Martin

Have you ever noticed that the characteristics that bother you about someone else may be the same characteristics that you possess yourself?  A few years ago I was talking with a young wife who was criticizing the way a friend talked to her husband.  I was surprised that she was upset by her friend’s actions because I had heard her talk worse to her husband than her friend did.  I wondered how she could not see that she was doing the same thing.

Jesus gave us these insightful words in Matthew 7:1-5.  “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (NIV)

In his book, A Love Worth Giving, Max Lucado explains that love is patient and that with patience comes understanding.  Too often we are impatient with our spouse.  We want our spouse to change and we try to make them change.  But think how much better your marriage might be if, instead of trying to change your spouse, you tried to understand your spouse.

It is not our job to change our spouse or anyone else for that matter.  What we should be the most concerned about is changing ourselves – our bad attitudes, our selfishness, our hurtful words.  God is the one who changes people.  Can you imagine how your home might change if you began to pray for your spouse instead of nagging or complaining.  Spend some time each day praying for your spouse.  A good resource to guide you as you pray is The Power of the Praying Wife and the book The Power of the Praying Husband.  Both books are written by Stormie Omartian.

The Martins currently present “Happy Together” Marriage Enrichment Events for churches and organizations.  To schedule an event call Michael at 940-735-1515. They are certified “Prepare/Enrich” Facilitators and are available to work with couples on an individual basis using the “Prepare/Enrich Assessment.”  They publish a weekly “Happy Together” Blog about family and marriage issues.  You can order copies of their new books Dancing With Death and 366 Tidbits We Have Learned in 14,610 Days of Marriage, read, and subscribe to their “Happy Together” Blog by logging onto the Martin’s website at


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